Well hello friends and Happy Wednesday to ya! Did you miss meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee? LOL! Feels like I've been gone awhile even though I know its only been a few days :) I had an awesome trip to Arizona and enjoyed every last minute of it --- errr....well there were some dilemma's and delays along the way of course. And you know ME--I will share ALL of them with you, hee hee!
**WARNING----LONG, SCARY, LOONEY, LAUGH-OUT-LOUD STORY below! You have been warned okay! **
I left on Friday morning, got to the airport at 4 am after arguing with my hubby again about how I like to get there 2 hours early---he asks me everytime I fly why I need to be there early and everytime I say the same thing. It's like an old black-n-white movie that keeps rewinding, arghhh! Men--LOL! So I struck up a conversation with a guy and woman next to me (of course) in the terminal--totally non-event, doing good so far right? Got on the plane and made friends with my seatmate--a nice guy from Oregon that worked for Lockheed Martin (yes where he works is important, stay tuned) and a 7 ft Basketball player (yes big guys like to sit next to me for some reason I can't figure out but they are indeed drawn to me) we all talked for a bit then I fell asleep till we landed in Denver, non eventful and I'm thinking
"OH YES Suzanne, YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOO GOT this this time--smooth sailing"! Well DUH---dumb butt Suzanne must've jinxed herself for sure! Got off the plane thinking I'd be in Denver for 45 mins---yeppers right?! NOoooooooooooooooooooooooo of all the 100's of flights leaving ONLY ONE WAS DELAYED---yep it was mine and delayed for 3.5 hours, arghhhhhhhh. I was not a happy girl as I was supposed to land at 10:30 am in Phoenix and meet friends at 11, but now I wouldn't get there until 1:10. So I went stomping off in my own
lil' Suzanne Temper Tantrum (lol) and stomped (yes I stomped in my heels, I wear heels just so I can STOMP, I'm a stomper all right) right onto a people mover (you know the flat escalators that you walk fast on, hee hee). Well I'm texting madly cuz I'm MAD and I'm STOMPING along and didn't see that the people mover had ended and
YEP SUZANNE WENT FLYING FACE FIRST onto the carpet and all the contents of my bag flew across the floor--thank god I did not take anyone down with me. Well.................I bust out laughing and I was laughing sooo hard I could not get up! Three guys behind me either thought I was a "damsel in distress" or JUST PLAIN OLE' CRAZY (I think they thought I was a loon & I don't blame them) and they picked up all my stuff and put it in my bags and helped me up. I'm still laughing while I'm in the restroom and still laughing when I finally sit down for my 3.5 hour delay, LOL (oh yes I can always amuse myself)! I am always a little off kilter which makes me clumsy but I've learned to laugh it off---cuz it WAS pretty funny! I worked for a bit and talked to some random people including a group of rag-tag musicians that had a Bluegrass band (Canyon something was their name, I cannot remember for the life of me, lol) for a bit and interrogated them (
hey I'm always trying to find someone who KNOWS Tim McGraw and who can take me to him)! Now when you fly Southwest THEY tell you that their policy is they only wait 5 mins for late fliers right? Well we finally loaded on our plane and we WERE ALL READY to gooooooooooooooooo. I had an 18 year old girl beside me (she was a riot with a tongue piercing) and a guy who had flown from DC with me (and yep he worked for Lockheed Martin too--remember that ok--he's #2). Well we waited for other passengers for 25 mins, then it took us 15 mins to taxi to the runway and another 10 mins to take off. Well by that point Suzanne was ready to BLOW (and yes when I blow I blow Cherry Coke, lol)--I was ready to be arrested and thrown off the plane cuz'
I WAS MADDER THAN A HORNET. OMG since when do we wait for 25 mins for fliers AFTER WAITING 3.5 hours for a delay---ugh. And I wasn't the only one so I was in good company, wheeew, LOL. When the plane finally took off the whole plane cheered and clapped, LOL---that's how ready we were to go. And talk about a party plane--the whole plane was singing, talking & dancing the WHOLE WAY---I loved it and before you ask..............
YES I WAS SINGING---duh!!! I talked with my seatmates the whole way and come to find out the guy knew mutual people that I knew---see that 6 degrees of separation that is always inevitable, LOL. So he offered to drive me to my hotel as he lives in Phoenix and since he knew some of the same people I knew and he was married I said sure (don't shake your head, I checked his credentials, lol). So he got my luggage and dropped me off at the hotel but NOT before I dropped my purse on the ground and my wallet spilled all the change, receipts and whatnot all over. Geez what an impression I always make! But it was so nice of him to drive me to the hotel and he was very sweet and I was thankful.
Then I get in the hotel and the little bell boy guy couldn't lift my luggage---I was dying laughing cuz even I can pick my luggage up, so another BIG guy came over and the luggage rack was rolling everywhere. Well I thought I would help and rolled the rack right over BIG GUY's foot---owwww! They already identified me as
"TROUBLE" since I was sitting on the floor laughing hee hee & everytime they saw me they pretended to hide and yelled TROUBLE (how did they know my name right? lol). Met my friends, went to pool and laid out in the 99 degree weather---whooo hooo and never let out a drop of sweat. They now REALLY do believe I'm a vampire of some sorts & then went to dinner in downtown Scottsdale which was having BIKER WEEK---well that was a site you don't always see and I can't say I want to see some of that again, lol. Great night but didn't sleep much! Tab picks me up in the morning in her tiny Yaris not knowing I had a bag the size of an elephant, lol! Had a fabulous class with fabulous ladies and it was FUN (even had a few ladies fly in from Cali for the class--waving HI to y'all)! Went to dinner with Tab, Charlene and a few others from class at a yummy Mexican restaurant that we closed down (but of course) and was nice and uneventful! Slept like a log that night and then woke up to a beautiful Arizona morning of 86 perfect degrees and met up with my pal Charlene Randall and she took me to the Botanical Gardens. The gardens were breathtaking and the Butterfly Pavilion was sooo worth the visit.
Then Charlene twisted my arm to go shopping (ha ha) and we did some shopping (errrr... I did shopping, lol) and then we had a fabulous organic lunch (and dessert in the form of mini Key Lime Pie). Then I met up with my friend Janiel (from the Magnolia-licious DT) and she took me to a Western Saloon Restaurant (Rustler's Rooste) in the hills that was SO MUCH FUN! I think that Janiel and I really might be sistah's from anotha mistah', LOL--we dressed alike, ate the same exact food and shared each others thoughts. This restaurant had a real bull, live country band, sawdust on the floor and a SLIDE and YEAH we both went down it a few times laughing our fool heads off. And then she convinced me I HAD to buy Riley a real rattlesnake head (ewww) but I did and he loves it (ewwwwww)---do you see how I love snakes (ewwwww). NOT! But it was a great night and I was sorry to see my trip to AZ end.
So got to the airport 2.5 hours early since I had found out the night before that
my fave airlines had a HOLE RIP OPEN an airplane the day before and oxygen masks had to be used. Ummm were they TRYING TO keep me in AZ at that point! UGH---scared me just a bit but I was afraid my flight would be cancelled/delayed so I wanted to be there early so I could do what exactly? God only knows but that was my great idea, LOL! Got on my flight with no issues or dilemmas and sat next to a young kid of 22 who was getting ready to be shipped to Afghanistan--he was a bit scared and I talked to him a lot and it was all good. I hate seeing these young "babies" being shipped off to war---breaks my heart. Landed in Denver on time and looking forward to only a 45 min delay----NOT. Yep my flight was delayed another hour---OMG--I'm cursed I tell ya! Ate a nasty piece of pizza that maybe had fake cheese or sawdust in it not sure, talked with some folks (my fave pastime) and got to meet some mascot of some team there (a dog of some sorts, lol) and I helped him put his tail back on, hee hee. I'm VERY helpful dontcha' know!
Finally got on plane and got my fave seat (I sit in this seat 90% of the time)--6th row back on left side in the window seat (yesssirrreeee I have issues, lol). A guy sits in the aisle seat and I leaned over and said "hey--sit real BIG so no one sits in between of us okay", hee hee and he DID TRY! So who gets on the plane?
A VERY DRUNK GUY--OMG it was sooooooooooooo BAD and I'm chanting under my breath, please don't sit here, please keep going. But OH NO--NO WAY JOSE was god on my side that day, NOoooooooooooooooo! Half the FREAKING PLANE IS EMPTY still but for some odd reason
he is DRAWN TO SIT RIGHT NEXT TO ME! ugh! Yep I know you're thinking "Wow Suzanne YOU really know how to pick 'em"---yep I do, LMBO! Well he falls into the seat ON TOP OF ME and smells like a BAR of the worst kind. I was GAGGGINNNNNG and bile was nearby just waiting to come out. HE continued to drink, lay on top of me and slurr and talk the whole 4 hour plane ride. He also had a very tiny bladder. How do I know this most intimate of facts? WELL HE FRIGGIN TOLD US and got up (no lie) every 15 mins to pee! He also told us how he kissed women (ewww what were THEY thinking) while he was away even though he's married, thought the hotel maid liked him sooo much she took his clothes and more stories like that---it was UnBelievable! The guy on the end of the aisle and I were DYING---we were both laughing our arses off and trying not to gag at the same time! Well guess who this guy (the nice guy not the nutjob, lol) worked for?
Yeppers.....Lockheed Martin...he was #3! AHA--I found out why I was so freaking cursed and it's all Lockheed Martin's fault I do believe, LOL! We were both ready to DIE by the end of the flight--I've never felt so nauseous on a flight before and I swear the air tasted like stale beer (grosssss). Plane lands and we taxi into the airport going 2 miles an hour and I SWEAR it was ON PURPOSE to just PISS ME OFF (sorry for the language but at this point words were coming out of my mouth that could've curdled your milk). Then we pull in the gate and we're sitting, we're sitting, they've turned the air off and I'm gagging, and we're still sitting. Finally they say "because of the late hour 12:30 am there are NOT enough employees to open the gate so we will have to wait"! WHAT!!! Get me off this plane and I will open the freaking
GATE OK PEOPLE--I KNOW HOW, IT IS NOT HARD YOU JUST OPEN THE DARN DOOR AND GET OUT!! OMG! So the nutcase beside me decides he needs to write an email on his phone---I SWEAR he typed the same sentence 15 times and at this point the gate opens and people are getting off. I'm
sweating, gagging, cussing and ready to pee my pants at this point---I didn't care who I took out but you better clear a path cuz I WAS GETTING OFF. The nutcase decides he has to finish his email and he's just sitting there and I'm like "I'm so sorry but I have to climb over your ARSE and get the hell outta here!" The guy on the end takes my bags and
lifts me up & over the guy and into the aisle and then
we BOTH RAN OFF THE PLANE AND KEPT RUNNING all the way to the luggage, LOL. We were laughing the whole time like we were CRAZY--I think some of the alcohol fumes had contaminated us. My husband thought I had LOST IT when we came running in like crazed zombies---he was like "have you been drinking?" LOL---well only in the air my friend, hee hee! So we're waiting for our luggage, and waiting and waiting---guess the airport only HAD ONE EMPLOYEE that night cuz it took 30 mins for our luggage to arrive. I just squatted on the floor and laid down at that point---I was done--stick a fork in me and I'm done kinda done! I couldn't stop laughing and I think my hubby thought I needed mental....errr....medical attention at that point. So we didn't get home
until 1:30 am cuz I ANNOUNCED TO hubby that I NEEDED (yes I have major needs, lol) an Arby Beef-n-Cheddar cuz I was STARVING. Fell into bed after seeing kids quickly & slurping my sandwich down in bed and was ready for sleep. But ooooohhhhh nooooo not that easy for ole' Suzanne KWIM--cuz it just
HAD TO STORM, it just had to. Mother Nature couldn't hit the PAUSE button and wait one night, no way. Well hubby is sick and I banished him to the downstairs (sorry but I really can't be sick again right now) so I thought sleep was on my side right? NO--cuz my one dog hates storms. So an hour later she's on my head, panting and howling---OMG SHOOT ME NOW PLEASE! This went on for 5 hours---
FIVE HOURS PEOPLE of panting, slobbering and howling--I just got off a plane with someone like this! I felt like I was on crack and that Mother Nature had given me a good smack.
I was ready to HOWL MYSELF at that point--hubby would've really taken me to the nuthouse if I had so I kept my howling to a minimum to keep the peace...ahem...what lil' peace there was to be had! What a way to end the night!
So that is my fabulous story, no embellishments, just the real truth and I'm sticking to it! So if you never believe that I have unbelievable things happen to me---go no farther than this here blog, LOL. You can ask ANYONE who knows me that my life follows this direction, I have the CRAZIEST things happen to me and you ask why I LAUGH SO MUCH. WELLLLLLLLLLLLL...........what can you do when every day is like this? See I'm either just getting way used to it all or I'm slowly losing my mind---I'm not really sure yet but I'll let y'all know eventually! LMBO!
Now I ask you? Anyone want to take a trip with me? bwahahahahahaha, LOL! James HAS DECIDED THAT I NEED a traveling assistant that will keep me safe & outta trouble (but shhhhh don't tell him, I would probably drag you down with me, hee hee hee)!
If you dare--the slideshow is below for y'all! I will have a project for you tomorrow I promise---this story has now depleted me of all energy and I am still stunned myself and I feel the need for sleep and medical attention, LOL! See y'all tomorrow!
Slideshow:
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