Truly Unbelievable!

Well happy Sunday evening my friends! It is another dreary, rainy day here in Virgina—I swear we have had more rain in the past 6 weeks then we ever have before, seriously depressing! But I am home from teaching in Ohio at Scrap Happy and I had a blast up there (waving hi to all the fabulous Ohio ladies) teaching---if you are ever in that area stop by and say HI to Suzy who is the owner.  I’m sure you’ll have fun shopping in her store filled with yummy craft goodies. Her store also has its own lie of dies that are fantastic—see here—you will see me use some real soon!

So the following story is very true, unbelievable but true and I’m still not sure if we were hysterical laughing or crying—at some point I was just delirious!!  The trip up to Ohio was pretty non-eventful which should have been a “sign” to me that something might be amiss.  Marti and I got in to our hotel around 7:30 pm Friday night, I took a shower and did some work and lights out by 10:45.  It was rainy & cold on Saturday and ding-dong Marti had no coat and only a t-shirt LOL so she was a wee bit cold.  I ALWAYS check the weather before I leave cuz’ I’m SMART like that <wink> and I was dressed appropriately.  We went to dinner with our pal Ann Shuman after classes and then I got gas and we were headed home … umm at least we thought we were. GPS says we will be home by 3 am!  WE MISSED A FEW ESSENTIAL CLUES on this trip so I will lay them out for you!  I used James’ GPS (otherwise known as the wicked Glinda) and hit the HOME button which is always programmed with our home address.  We set out down the DARK(no moon), flat roads of Ohio and we are cruising along just fine.  Pretty soon we get on the turnpike and I notice a city skyline (CLUE #1) and I ask Marti “Hey we didn’t see that driving up right?” and she’s like “nope” but I didn’t think too much about it because the GPS sometimes re-routes on the return trip home.  So we go thru Cleveland (very pretty skyline) and pass the Indians baseball stadium and there’s no traffic so we’re still cruising along.  Its getting close to 11:15 pm at this point and Marti has to pee so we pull off to this rest stop—no cars just semi’s and dark as night (also located in a place called Hell Hollow Wilderness---I KID YOU NOT and it was creepy and lots of cornfields).  We run up to the restrooms and get in the bathroom, lights are off and then they blink on and Marti runs into the hand-blower and it comes on loudly. We both jump scared and hurriedly pee and then run back out to the car—we DID NOT WANT to be one of “those stories” KWIM!!  Headline—“GIRLS KILLED IN OHIO RESTSTOP in Hell’s Hollow” LOL.

Get back in the car and I’m thirsty and need a drink so we go for a bit more and get off on an exit and get a soda for me, ice cream for Marti and head back out.  So we are driving and driving and I notice how close we are to Lake Erie and I comment to Marti about it cuz the wind is blowing and its starting to rain now (oh boy fabulous).  So I zoom out on the GPS a few times to see where its heading us and lo’ and behold the GPS has our “home flag” firmly situated in TORONTO CANADA PEOPLE!  YES CANADA!  OMG we both looked at each other and started laughing hysterically, I almost peed my pants and we were hyperventilating.  If there had been a camera in the car to record our faces I’m sure it would be priceless—stunned looks and then laughing!  I’m like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO this cannot be happening, I need to get home, wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  So I quickly pull off at a truck stop to evaluate and sure enough GPS has us headed to Canada and we would reach the border in about 20 mins.  We are still laughing like lunatics and Marti’s like “OMG I am posting this on FB cuz no one will believe it” and I’m like “oh yeah they will lol”!  So our NEW home arrival time suddenly becomes 5:45 am and I am ready to cryyyyyy.  So lovely Glinda recalculates and takes us on this back road, not sure what it was but it was like going thru the tunnel of HELL.  Dark, curvy and pouring rain and more DARN CORNFIELDS (do you see a theme here).  We are still laughing like maniacs so I call James and I can barely speak but I’m like “hey we are gonna be a LITTLE LATE cuz’ apparently we were headed to Canada” and he’s like 'how did that happen” & I say “you don’t wanna know but your GPS is seriously messed up dude”.  He says in all seriousness (you have to know my hubby to really get this) “ok well I guess I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon” LMBO—yeah no not that late I hope!! (CLUE #2)  I hang up and UH OH something darts out into the road and I hit it HEAD ON LOUDLY—yep a very LARGE RACOON just lost its life because of me and Glinda.  I scream and Marti grabs the car handle (on the ceiling) and screams “holy mother of god did YOU HIT A BODY!!” and I lose it.  I laughed so hard I had to stop the car in the middle of the road (trust me there was NO traffic in the tunnel of death) to gather myself, I was laughing, crying, totally delirious at this point.  I swear we laughed for a solid hour and I can still see Marti’s face every time!  At this point Marti is like “NEVER-EVER invite me on one of your trips again cuz’ I ain’t coming!” (she lies cuz she loves me and she needed an adventure Suzanne-style hee hee).

Marti falls asleep around 12:30 and I turn on the a/c and crank the tunes to stay alert.  It is raining like crazy and dark as hell out, no moon, no stars, no sign of CIVILIZATION anywhere.  Finally reach the turnpike and its still raining but I’m happy to be on a main road.  Driving, driving and get near Breezewood, PA and suddenly see blinking lights up ahead (Clue #3) – “rut oh” me thinks, this CANNOT BE GOOD!  Apparently the FREAKING UNIVERSE WAS OUT TO GET ME and they had a “falling rock” incident and Rt. 70 is closeddddd!  Nooooooooooooooooooo!  They send me on a detour and you know how much I lovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvve detours—NOT!  Glinda has recalculated and yep I’m checking up on her regularly to make sure we are moving towards Virginia.  I end up on another road thru hell, windy, raining and going up hill and NOW THERE IS FOG PEOPLE—not light fog but soupy thick fog.  AND MORE FREAKING CORNFIELDS—like Marti said “FARMING IS STILL ALIVE & WELL” and we saw every farm, every small town from Ohio to Virignia last night I kid you not.  I could hear banjo music and evil laughing the whole ride home, it was like I was in a Halloween movie of some sorts that I didn’t ask to be in KWIM!?  Weird named towns like Nova, Spira and then Marti wakes up and says where are we and I laugh a bit evilly and I’m like well “it says we are in Africa and at this point I have no clue if we are still in the US” (I kid you not we were in a town called Africa)  She sits up & is like “WHAT” and I repeat the falling rock story and why we are now still traveling in a tunnel of hell with no Virginia on the horizon—at this point its 3:40 am.  I have to pee sooooo bad and Marti says “so I guess it doesn’t matter that I really need to pee” and I’m like well I can stop in the RAIN and you can run your ARSE out to the cornfields cuz they seem to be the ONLY thing we have seen the WHOLE DARN TRIP!!

Well I don’t know where GPS Glinda took us but we ended up NOT going thru Baltimore but circling all the way around, thru the mountains and dump out close to Hagerstown, Maryland---yeah Maryland.  Now that’s my old stomping grounds so I’ve NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY TO SEE A SIGN OF FAMILIARITY IN MY LIFE.  I take Marti home and NOW IT STOPS RAINING---I MEAN COME ON!  It rains the whollllllllle way home and I’m now 15 mins from home and it stops—UGH the universe conspires against me for sure.  I get in the driveway at 6:20 am, grab my suitcase and run up to bed—hubby is sleeping and he’s like oh what time is it and I just mumble, fall flat into bed and don’t remember a thing until noonish today.  I have never been so tired in my whole life and I’m thankful that I’m such a GOOD, ALERT driver (so yeah Marti, there lol) and we got home safely….I won’t mention the red light & stop sign I blared thru in one of those small towns hee hee.  TRUST ME there was NO TRAFFIC so it was just fine, LOL!

So there you go, a complete NUTSO story, totally true and one that encapsulates MY WHOLE LIFE---yes this is how things usually go for me.  If you thought it was a fluke, well I’m here to tell you its NOT!  So now you all that said you WOULD LOVE to travel with me, might want to re-evaluate or at least ask Marti first LOL!  Love ya Marti and that was truly a ride home for the storybooks!! (but hey—let’s never repeat it ‘kay?)

Now that has completely exhausted me so I will share a project with you all tomorrow evening---I need another nap apparently LOL!

Hope your weekend was less stressful and less exciting---cuz hey BORING IS GOOD!!  See ya!